First off, Kanye and Cudi have provided some of the best albums of the year thus far (technically, rapgodfathers.com did, but you catch my drift), however, they are dark and erie. I'm not into that right now, and I partially blame the music I have been listening to for the mood that I have undertaken on this beautiful autumn day. Therefore, I will put a temporary pause to the dark twisted fantasies, and the sounds of coke being snorted in various intros, and bless my earlobes with some throw back N.E.R.D. You know, that Pharrell crooning with a punk rock feel... it brightens my mood.
Right now I am literally, thought-full. I don't know if it is my surroundings, diet or lack of exercise that has got me sitting in my bed for an extra hour every morning. I've been feeling stuck. I went through post on this blog from a year ago and I compared the different mentalities I had from now to then. The greatest difference is my optimism. I was headed for a new place, new surroundings with no idea what the hell to expect. Now, that I have been around the block a couple semesters, the repetition has once again been embedded into my lifestyle, and progression feels nonexistent. To keep it straight to the point: I don't fuck with repetition but I love progression. New scenery, new people, new experiences, that is my forte. If I don't get enough of that, I tend to throw myself in a rut of crazy thoughts, laziness, lack of motivation and worst off: creative droughts. My ambition right now is at an all time low. Correction, my ambition has not been this low since I found out I got into Masterman High and somewhat bullshitted the rest of my 8th grade year.
Even when I feel like this, I still try to be attentive in what is going on around me. I might throw a smile on to kill questions and act like the usual person that some of you know, (Mad cliche, I know. How many times have you heard the "hide my feelings behind a smile" reference in ANY form of entertainment. I'm sure that some of the people I am putting a smile on for are doing the exact thing right back. Actually, I know they are.) but you know how that goes... Anyway, my observations have led to both confusion and conclusions; positive, negative and neutral.
After starting off the year with a more outgoing state of mind, I have come to the conclusion that Hampton University was not the best choice in college for me. To all my Howard people, not because it is not the real HU (because it is), but because of the close mindedness that people force themselves to live with. The fronts and acts that people put on just to cast this image of being hard, wealthy, Gucci Mane or Wacka Flocka, kill a huge portion of the social aspect that I expected pre-enrollment. Pardon me for generalizing, because there are thousands of people that I do not know at HU, and there are probably a handful of people who do not fit my previous description, or feel the same way as me. Although, from my stance thus far, I see a surplus of "fraudulation" as my brother Melo use to say. Judgmental attitudes that cause people to shy away from being who they use to be, or who they are when they aren't in Hampton. Everybody tries to be cool... with swag (Haha, you don't know how much I hate that word, but it has reentered my vocabulary due to the constant usage of it down here). She got swag, he got swag. That makes them cool. I fuck bitches and get money, that's all that matters, 'BURR." Did I mention that, "I go hard in the motherfucking paint?" That was my rendition of the mentality in spoken word, excuse the French and save the applause. I could sit here and go on and on about this topic, which I feel drives the school socially, but you should get the point by now...
I am not bad mouthing my number one choice in college education, or the first school to give me the offer that I could not refuse (Thanks to Doc), nor am I blaming others for what could be my own ignorance. I am simply promoting my opinion on some of the things that bother me in this environment. People change, opinions change, at the end it is all a life experience. I might feel that there are fifty different schools that I might have been happier at, or maybe that I should of stayed closer to home. No matter what, I will not be living in Hampton, Virginia my entire life. I am down here to get a degree, a few close friends and a chance to enlarge my network. I am gone after that. I am blessed, there is no thought in my mind that says otherwise.
On another note, Hampton has already provided me with opportunities that I did not expect... I am now starting to take this photography thing a little more seriously... You heard the negatives, hear are some of the positives...
HU HOMECOMING FASHION SHOW
HU HOMECOMING CONCERT
"New scenery, new people, new experiences, that is my forte. If I don't get enough of that, I tend to throw myself in a rut of crazy thoughts, laziness, lack of motivation and worst off: creative droughts."
ReplyDelete^^After reading this I realize what my current feelings would look like if I were able to write them down. And so it seems that you are a photographer in more ways than one.
Kenny your amazing, this is amazing. Sometimes I too have that epiphany that I came to the wrong school. But then I realize I should be thankful that I've passed this test of not being brainwashed into a person that wants to "fit into the crowd." We were dropped right into the middle of a Utopia for real. And it was only a matter of time before we became the people we once frowned upon. I'm glad you didn't change and I would like to think I didn't either. I mean I'm wearing chucks while all the other girls are wearing heels, I'm wearing my shoulder length hair while all the other girls have the 14" Remy, I'm going to class with my white tee and cardigan while the other girls have pounds of jewelry and makeup. I realized that I stood out because I didn't look like the girls next to me & that's fine with me. I came to the point in my life where I'm not gonna be uncomfortable to please other people. Its kinda scary that we have the opportunity to create our own personality but would rather impersonate others. I'm glade you know the difference Kenny. Hampton isn't your life an I don't know why people make it, yea we may meet friends that last a lifetime. But at the end of the day you should have impacted Hampton, not the other way around. LOL I could go on for days. Stay true Kenny.
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